Monday, July 10, 2017

My Ramadhan

Assalamualaikum and hi! :) Yay, it's Aidilfitri again. Happy Eid ul-Fitri to all Muslims out there and may this year's Eid will bring us more blessings from Allah SWT, and may we meet Ramadhan again next year. Ameen...

This year is my 3rd year fasting in Ramadhan as a Muslim convert. Alhamdulillah, I feel even more contented with my Ramadhan this year than last year's. I managed to perform taraweeh prayers at one of my favourite mosques, the Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddien Mosque in the capital. Last year I only went once to the mosque (and that was a kampung mosque in Tutong) because of my lack of confidence in performing the taraweeh prayers at the mosque. This year, however, I managed to overcome my lack of confidence by giving myself the chance to just go and join the crowd. I fought against my self doubts and with my only intentions to please Allah and sought the barakah in the holy month, I managed to perform taraweeh almost every night at the mosque. I even managed to perform taraweeh in the final ten nights of Ramadhan, with the hope to really find the real meaning behind the holy month of Ramadhan. 

Alhamdulillah, I believe I have found the true meaning behind Ramadhan. It is not only about fasting and controlling myself from doing the things that are forbidden, it is all about giving myself to Allah SWT. It is all about discipline, focus and meeting the goals to become a better Muslimah. It is all about taking care of my heart and mind, and to ensure myself to not fall victim to the lures of Dunya. It is not easy, I should say. But the fight really worth it. And additionally, this year's Ramadhan has taught me to love the Quran even more than before. Now I am making Quran as my best friend and my goal is to read Quran everyday, anytime anywhere. And I want Quran to be part of my life always, as all Muslims should do... :') Quran has always been my penghibur di kala duka, and it has always been my source of knowledge and guidance. It has shed light on me whenever I feel in doubts, and whenever I feel so empty and depressed. I admit it, before I embraced Islam, I always had self doubts, lack of confidence and feeling depressed more often. I felt that my life was meaningless, clueless and there were no true goals. Now that I have Islam in my heart, Alhamdulillah, I have been living in peace... I can feel the true meaning of happiness... :')

I wish I could write more but there are so many beautiful things that I myself cannot put them in words to describe how much in love I am with Ramadhan, and with Islam as a whole. I know Islam is the right path for me since the beginning I was first exposed to Islam. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for choosing me. I really really feel so blessed with this life and with this path I have chosen. Alhamdulillah...

"...indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves..." Ar-Ra'd, ayat 11.

The ceremonial barge of the SOAS Mosque, Brunei, taken after the taraweeh prayers.