Living life fully

Thursday, May 11, 2017

The Zuhur that I will never forget

"Allah Akbar"; with the takbeer, we started our Zuhur jemaah. My fiancé was the Imam on that day. Three of us; my brother, my fiancé and me had our Zuhur prayers at my uncle's place. It was around 1 pm and we performed our Zuhur at the living room area. It was raining with thunder and the room was quite cold. It was during our second rakaat when I heard noises outside my uncle's house. And at that moment, I knew, my late Nini's coffin was already brought down from his house next door to the pick-up truck. I tried hard to focus on my recitation of surah Al-Fatihah while holding back my tears. I knew, that would be the last time I ever saw Nini Laki again. Once we finished our prayers, and du'a, I joined my brother who walked quickly towards the door and stood still, watching the truck started to move slowly, making its way out to the simpang. It was still drizzling, as if the day knew, my family was mourning for the loss of our beloved grandfather.  I quickly called my brother and my fiancé, to follow the truck with my car. We walked in the rain towards the simpang to get to my car. I didn't know whether I cried in the rain or it was the rain itself; but I could feel both my cheeks were wet and my eyes blurred.

It felt like forever when we followed the pick up truck to its destination. My fiancé drove my car, while me and my brother sat silently in the car. There were quite a number of cars joining our trip to the nearby cemetery. From a distance, I could see the pick up truck moving slowly in front of us, towards the Orang Dusun's cemetery in our kampung... 


It was only 10 months after my beloved Nini Bini passed away and my family was once again, saddened by the news of my beloved Nini Laki. He was only admitted for 11 days at the RIPAS Hospital, and he passed away after he was admitted at the SICU ward for only one night. It all started when Babah and Uncle Etus found him sitting on the bathroom's floor. 'Weak legs,' he said. He couldn't stand up so they called an ambulance to send him to the Tutong Hospital. He was then sent to the RIPAS Hospital for further check ups. I wasn't in the loop; only Babah and Uncle Yamit were there the whole time for the check ups and updates from the doctors. The only thing I knew was that Nini Laki was okay. He didn't suffer from any serious injuries or any serious internal bleeding and what not. The first night he was admitted at the RIPAS hospital, I went to visit him. I was surprised to find out he developed rashes on both his arms and he was shivering, holding on tight to Uncle Yamit's arms. I asked my uncle what happened and I was told that he developed allergies after he was prescribed antibiotics. And I expected his condition would improve, which he did. 

My fiancé and I came to visit him every day at the hospital to follow his progress. My family members took turns to visit and Nini Laki was never left alone even one second at the hospital. It was only a week in the hospital when his condition started to worsen again. Fever came and go, and everything escalated real quick that the doctors decided to place Nini Laki at the SICU ward. It was that final night when I couldn't stop crying as I watched him lying lifelessly on the hospital bed, being attached with all the cables and machines. It was really a pain to see my beloved Nini Laki being treated that way but that was the only option. Babah and his siblings got no other options only to let the doctors tried their best. I stood still, watching Nini Laki's closed eyes. He looked calm, as if he was sleeping. His chest moved up and down, very slowly. I held his cold palm. No response at all. I had this heavy feeling that I knew he would be never be recovered again but I denied myself. Only Allah knew how I felt that night. I had the same feeling I had on the night before Nini Bini passed away but I just kept it to myself. It was already past the visiting hours but I wouldn't budge from my position. I just wanted to be there with Nini Laki; hoping a miracle would happen. I longed for him to call me name again. But, it never happened. And that night, I couldn't sleep. In fact, most of my family members couldn't sleep. Everyone was anxious. It was around 3 am when the news came from my uncle. Just that one text in our WhatsApp group and we knew Nini Laki has left us... 


The burial ceremony for our beloved Nini Laki went smoothly. Fresh flower petals were scattered on top of his grave as a final touch. I saw Babah had tears on his face. It really broke my heart to see tears on Babah's face, though he tried his best to hide it but I could see right through him. It was at that moment I realized the weather had changed; from a rainy and thundery noon to a windy and cool afternoon. I still remember the sounds of the birds started singing as if they were trying to cheer us all up at the cemetery. At that particular moment, I knew, I won't be seeing my grandparents anymore. Rumah Nini will be empty. There will be no more weekends with Nini. There will be no more "sikin tangan Nini", "tunggu Nini siap makan baru balik", "Nini di bawah arah perahu", "Marah Nini karang" and plenty other things... And I already missed him calling me with my kampung name...

You will always be remembered and will always be in our hearts forever Nini...

Nini Laki's favorite Kijang

Friday, November 25, 2016

Travelogue: #NoniElzVacay to Kuala Lumpur, Malacca and Pulau Pinang - part 1

Assalamualaikum and hi! :) I just got back from my long awaited vacation last Friday and it was really awesome. Actually, I went to Hong Kong and Macau last May for a vacation as well but I didn't get any chance to post it. In sya Allah, I will write it down in my next post yeah.

Anyways, my vacation to Malaysia started on the 11th November and it was a one whole week vacation. This time, me and my travel buddy, El, decided to spend our time in Kuala Lumpur, Malacca and Pulau Pinang. We've never been to Malacca and Pulau Pinang so we decided to do our own adventure. Just as what we did during our vacation to Hong Kong and Macau. So, our itinerary went like this:

11th - 13th November - Kuala Lumpur
14th November - Malacca (1 day trip)
15th - 17th November - Pulau Pinang
18th November - back to Brunei

Looks like it's packed, right? But, it isn't. In fact, this vacation was a super whole lot of fun!

Day 1: Jalan-jalan cari makan and a date with Dr. Strange
Our flight to KL was around 9 am so we reached KL around midday. Alhamdulillah, the weather was just nice. We reached our hotel around 1pm and decided to go out just after we checked in. We didn't have any shopping plans in mind so we went jalan-jalan and makan-makan. At night, we watched Dr. Strange at Berjaya Times Square Imaxx. It was awesomeeeeeeeeeee I tell you. Awesome movie, awesome cinema experience. So, if you want to experience a good surrounding sound system and you want to feel like you're in the movie, go catch a movie at the Imaxx cinema.

Day 2: Jujai's wedding and our little reunion
On our second day, we went to Taman Tun Dr Ismail, Damansara to attend my ZTF sister's wedding function, Jujai. That was our first time ever attending a real Malaysian wedding reception and I was so excited about it. Not to mention it was the first time I got the chance to meet Jujai, the wedding event also gave us the chance for a small reunion among the ZTF group. The early pioneers of ZTF, kinda. One funny thing was that me and El came exactly at 11:00 am (as stated in the jemputan), when in fact there was nobody at the hall at that time. We ended up sitting outside the hall, waiting for people to come. Last-last, Mak Long Jujai attended to us and invited us to go into the hall. It was around 11:45 am and guests started to fill in the hall. Orang Brunei kan, and first time. We didn't know what to do. Biasa di Brunei, we eat at a specific time so, we didn't dare to do anything though some of the guests already had their plates and makan. We only sat down at one of the round tables, and observed people. Once again, Mak Long Jujai invited us to eat. Oh, rupanya we can eat terus. No need to wait. We jadi shy-shy cat. Haha. Towards 1-1:30pm, the hall was almost full. Around that time also, I was already reunited with my ZTF sister, Kak T!! Alahai rindunyaaaaaaaa T_T And I didn't realise rupanya at this one table, ada some other ZTFs. Well, I only recognised Haziq and Alang. I really missed Haziq as well. Can't believe its been 3 years since that Terengganu trip and he's a grown up man now. Ada gf dah. Tacing sekejap tengok diorang. Huhu~ So, to cut the story short, there was a mini reunion among us at Jujai's pelamin. And there was Kak Needa and Zira as well :D Alhamdulillah~ After the wedding reception, me and Elda decided to explore just a little section of Damansara. And unexpectedly, I stumbled upon my another long lost sister, Ika, at Mumu Scarves Boutique. It was really a memorable day and that was only my second day in KL.

Congrats Jujai and husband!

Day 3: Ladies' favourite exercise - shopping.
We've already allocated this Sunday as our shopping day. Our shopping venues: Jalan Masjid India and Mid Valley. We started our day by having a breakfast at LOKL Coffee & Co., a cafe that belongs to one of Malaysian's popular celebrities, Cheryl Samad.  Located in Jalan Tun H.S. Lee, it was worth the morning walk for us. A perfect hang out place if you want to have a relaxing ambience while spending your good time with a group of friends. The foods were lovely as well, so you might want to come and spend your time here when you need that santai-santai moment.

Don't they look yummy? That's scrambled egg and cheese burger, with caramelised onions and scorch mayo, and iced lemon tea, and the picture at right is Piccolo Latte. These pictures do no justice so, do pay them for a visit :)

Batik shopping. Can't decide which one to choose!
Above is El's moment when she couldn't decide which kain batik to choose. So she ended up holding a pile of rain batik in her hands while browsing through some more in the cabinet. I had to hold myself back from buying because I already have kain batiks at home. Hoho~

After puas shopping, we went to Mid Valley to relax and treat ourselves with air-conditioned shops. We had a late lunch at 4Fingers Crispy Chicken and a sweet, cooling, throat-satisfying dessert at Magnum Cafe. Both were in the Mid Valley Megamall itself. Nyumz!

Magnum Cafe allows you to choose your own toppings. Ada chillies toppings wo~ But I didn't want to risk myself. So, I only had marshmallow, almonds and some cookies with white chocolate toppings. For all Magnum lovers out there, this cafe is definitely worth a visit.

Ok, this is the end for part 1 of our vacation. Will continue more in my next post!

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Gugurnya sekuntum bunga

Aku duduk diam di dalam kereta. Tanganku terasa bagaikan tak mampu memusing steering wheel keretaku. Aku cuma memerhatikan beranda rumah Nenekku yang kosong dan sunyi. Hatiku digamit rasa sayu. Kalau sebelum ini, Nenek Bini akan berdiri di sana untuk menghantar cucunya pergi kerja dan melambaikan tangannya setiap kali aku mengundurkan keretaku, kini tiada lagi. Tiada lagi lambaian itu. Tiada lagi senyuman itu. Tiada lagi pesanan Nenek, “Yun, moncoi-moncoi manau ah”. Tiada lagi air Milo panas di atas meja dapur Nenek. Tiada lagi temanku minum pagi. Dan, tiada lagi suara Nenek… Air mataku tiba-tiba mengalir deras. Ketiadaan Nenek Bini membuat hidupku terasa kelam dan bungkam.

Hari ini sudah masuk 19 hari Nenek Bini meninggalkan kami namun hari yang sedih itu masih lagi terbayang-bayang di mindaku. Aku baru saja melangkahkan kaki keluar rumah untuk ke pejabat di saat aku menerima panggilan dari ibuku di kampung. Perasaanku di ketika itu kosong. Aku bagaikan tidak percaya bahawa hari sedih itu telah tiba. Namun, aku sudah lama tau hari itu akan tiba jua memandangkan kesihatan Nenek semakin hari semakin tidak mengizinkan.

Sehingga kini, aku bagaikan masih tidak dapat menerima ketiadaan Nenek Bini. Aku masih ingat kata-katanya ketika aku meminta izin untuk pulang ke Bandar. Masih sama pesannya, “Yun, moncoi-moncoi manau ah”. Itu lah pesannya yang terakhir buatku sebelum dia tidak lagi mampu berkata-kata. Padahal, ketika dia memberi pesanan itu, matanya langsung tidak terbuka. Suaranya perlahan. Pening katanya sebab itu dia tidak mampu membuka matanya.

“Unoh andih moncoi, moncoi kali ah,” kata Nenek apabila aku bertanyakan tentang temanku. Dia tersenyum, nampak sinar kebahagiaan di matanya. Aku tau, dia suka teman pilihan hatiku.
“Aku mimpi Eyun kawin,” selorohnya apabila aku bertanya mengapa dia tidur siang begitu lama pada suatu hari. Padahal pada waktu itu, Nenek sudah mulai menunjukkan tanda-tanda sakit yang tidak dapat dipulihkan lagi.
“Bakal cucuku noh,” katanya dengan bangga memberitahu saudara-saudaraku yang lain sewaktu aku membawa temanku berjumpa dengannya ketika kami meraikan hari keluarga di rumah.

Semua kenangan itu ku simpan di dalam hati. Tidak akan ku lupakan buat selamanya. Terlalu banyak kenanganku bersama Nenek Bini. Sejak aku kecil hinggalah dia menghembuskan nafasnya yang terakhir. Kerana itulah, Nenek Bini memainkan peranan besar di dalam hidupku… Alhamdulillah, kini jasad Nenek sudah selamat disemadikan di tanah tempat dia membesar, bersama-sama dengan arwah Datuk yang menjaganya sewktu dia kecil dahulu dan juga di samping arwah adik angkatnya yang meninggal muda kerana sakit di sekitar tahun 70-an.

Sekarang, aku dapat merasakan, hidupku sudah berubah. Terasa asing. Terasa kekurangan. Terasa kurang serinya. Aku merasa aku bagaikan ingin segalanya cepat berlalu tetapi aku sendiri tidak pasti apa sebenarnya yang aku inginkan untuk cepat berlalu. Aku bagaikan tidak sabar menanti hari esok kerana bagiku hari-hari kini terasa begitu sedih dan kelam. Tapi, aku tidak tau apa sebenarnya yang aku inginkan esok. Hari esok masih kabur di mataku. Aku merindukanmu Nenek... :'<

Monday, June 27, 2016

Bicara hati

Airmataku mengalir deras. Entah mengapa di saat itu aku merasa sangat rindu. Rindu yang tidak terhingga, aku tak mampu melahirkan dengan kata-kata. Di dalam sendu, aku membaca perlahan-lahan surah Al-Fatihah. Diikuti dengan surah Al-Ikhlas. "Allahu Akbar," takbir terlafaz dari mulutku dan aku meneruskan solatku dengan penuh kusyuk. Hanya Allah sahaja yang tau perasaanku di ketika itu. Aku terlalu rindu. Rindu pada Allah. Dugaan, cubaan dan cabaran duniawi yang ku hadapi membuatku merasa sesak. Sempit. Senak. Aku hanya ingin bersendirian bersama Allah di ketika itu. Aku tak mau memikirkan apa-apa kecuali Allah. Aku merasa terlalu kerdil di saat itu. Rumah Allah yang sejuk berhawa dingin langsung tidak ku terasa. Entah, aku tak pasti dengan apa yang ku rasa pada waktu itu. Sedih, putus asa, tiada harapan... Semua fikiran negatif ada di dalam diriku. Aku merasa gelap, kosong, hilang arah...

Dan di ketika itulah, sewaktu aku masih di dalam solat, tiba-tiba aku merasa seakan-akan ada semangat yang mengalir di dalam diriku. Terasa sejuk...Degupan jantungku menjadi perlahan dan mulai stabil. Fikiranku mulai tenang. Pandanganku pula terasa terang. Hatiku berbisik dengan sendirinya, "Kasih sayang Allah melebihi kasih sayang seorang ibu". Berulang-ulang kali, hatiku berbisik ayat yang sama. "Kasih sayang Allah melebihi kasih sayang seorang ibu"... Di saat itu juga, aku merasa bagaikan dipujuk. Airmata yang mengalir deras tadi mulai perlahan. Ketegangan yang ku rasakan sebentar tadi mulai menghilang. Dan di ketika sujud terakhir, aku sujud lama. Memohon ampun dariNya. Panjang doaku. Airmataku mengalir lagi. Ketika itu aku dapat merasakan kasih sayang Allah mengalir di dalam diriku... Habis sahaja solat, aku benar-benar merasa lapang. Aku merasa bagaikan baru mendapat tenaga baru. Alhamdulillah...

Sepulangnya aku dari masjid, aku memandu dengan perlahan. Aku berfikir..betapa kecilnya hal-ehwal duniawi jika dibandingkan dengan kasih sayang dan pertolongan Allah yang Maha Esa. Allah memberi aku cubaan agar aku sentiasa dekat dengan-Nya. Allah memberi aku cabaran agar aku sentiasa sedar bahawa Allah sayang. Ya Allah, Alhamdulillah... Aku masih mampu bernafas lagi sehingga ke hari ini. In sya Allah, semoga hijrah ini akan membawaku ke syurgaMu ya Allah...

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Membawa hati duka

Aku memandang keluar jendela, menikmati keindahan cahaya bulan menyinari langit yang masih gelap. Baru sahaja aku selesai menunaikan solat fardhu Subuh. Hari itu merupakan hari kedua aku dan sahabat kesayanganku, El, berada di Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. Hatiku bertakbir berulang kali melihat pemandangan yang amat luar biasa indahnya. "Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar..." Aku merasa bertuah kerana Allah telah memberiku kesempatan untuk menikmati indahnya alam ciptaanNya. Di pagi Subuh itu, aku menyaksikan moonset dengan perasaan yang begitu tenang dan damai dari atas katilku. Kedudukan jendela bilik kami yang menghadap ke laut itu memberiku peluang untuk menghayati suasana yang begitu sunyi di ketika itu. Sekali-sekala aku teringat peristiwa semalam apabila aku dan El sama-sama mengalirkan airmata setelah berkongsi cerita mengenai perkara yang baru saja berlaku ke atas sahabat kesayanganku yang seorang ini. Beberapa hari sebelum itu, dia ada memberitahuku melalui WhatsApp dan mengajak aku untuk bermusafir agar dia dapat mengubat hatinya yang terluka. Kerana itulah, aku tanpa berbelah bahagi lagi terus menawarkan diri untuk menemani dirinya agar dia dapat mengurangkan sedikit sebanyak perasaan sedihnya. Alhamdulillah, Allah telah mengizinkan aku agar aku dapat menemaninya di waktu dukanya. Aku turut merasa terpukul dengan apa yang telah berlaku ke atas dirinya namun itulah kehendak Allah. Dia Maha Mengetahui. Aku hanya mampu mendoakan agar El bertemu dengan jodoh yang baik; seseorang yang mampu membimbing dan mendidik dirinya sebagaimana yang diimpikannya selama ini. In sya Allah, aamiin... Aku terlalu sayangkan El. Persahabatan kami yang terjalin sejak 13 tahun lalu tetap utuh hingga kini. Semoga persahabatan ini akan berkekalan hingga ke Jannah. In sya Allah, aamiin... 

Moonset @ 5:50 am. Pemandangan dari tingkat 10, Klagan Hotel, Warisan Square, KK.

"...Boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu, padahal itu baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal itu tidak baik bagimu. Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui"
Surah Al-Baqarah, ayat 216