Hi, Happy Ramadhan and Happy Fasting! Can't believe it's already 12 days of Ramadhan and I felt like Ramadhan has just started. Suddenly I rindu Ramadhan in Singapore. My husband and I actually planned to go to Singapore this Ramadhan just to go to the Geylang Bazaar again, but Allah knows best... Anyways, the other day, I was scrolling down my IG account when I came across this post by @strivingforjannah_:
When you feel sadness, just remember Allah is there for you. He tells us in Surah Ad-Duha that there is always light after every darkness. Whatever you are experiencing is temporary and he will reward you for your patience - if not in this world then the hereafter. Allah tells us to remove the negative feelings with positive affirmations.
Whenever you feel sadness, just remember that whatever has been taken away from you, Allah will replace in abundance. Whenever you fell sadness, cry to Allah but remember to count your blessings. You are strong, you are humble, you are kind, you have so much to give to this world. Do not ever doubt your self worth. You are invaluable.
This post really struck me straight to the bottom of my heart. I was at my lowest point of my life on that day, somehow. I felt like everything was just too overwhelming and too emotionally draining. Everything outside and inside of me was not harmonized at all, and somehow I felt like the world is about to end anytime soon. At this day I am writing this post, we are still in the midst of the global outbreak of COVID-19. Brunei is not an exception. Yesterday's press conference shared a total of 138 cases with 131 recovered cases and 1 death. We have seen zero cases since last week, which means that Brunei is successful in containing the deadly virus, though the Minister of Health still keep on reminding the public to practice our social responsibility. That said, today is my work-from-home shift for this week.
Anyways, back to the IG post above, when I read it, I cried. Like, really cried. Somehow I felt like Allah was talking to me, indirectly through that IG post. Nothing is impossible with Allah's permission, right? Kun fayakun. I was feeling so low at that time and I felt like I had not done enough to be a good wife, a good sister and a good daughter. Somehow, I felt like everything was not right in my life. Workwise, I worried too much with not meeting the deadlines though I did my best to finish everything on the dot. At that time, I was just too exhausted. Too tired. I was fighting hard with my own emotions. Trying hard to deal with the anxiety and stress that somehow peaked especially due to the COVID-19 news. On top of that, I felt like I had not done anything much to help my husband, my siblings and family. Also, I felt like I had not done anything to contribute to the society (I rejected my boss' request to participate as a volunteer in looking after the COVID-19 quarantine center because I thought of my parents and siblings. I was so scared of the virus. Too scared that I might brought the culprit home and infect everyone else). I think all my irrational emotions combined together and made me feel so helpless and I couldn't even think straight. Somehow I feel like I didn't know myself. And that IG post came right on time. I cried and cried, letting go of all the burdens that I didn't realize I've been having.
Then, I decided to read up the Tafseer of Surah Ad-Duha, as stated in the post. Slowly, I could think rationally and my anxiety and stress started to disappear, and replaced by this feeling of contentment and calmness. Alhamdulillah, following that day, I started to recite the Quran daily and re-read Yasmin Mogahed's Reclaim My Heart. I also listened to Yasmin's podcasts. I started to feel better and better, and up till today. My current mood is stable and I can think rationally. I feel now that I am regaining myself. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah. You have answered my prayer for wanting myself not to be lost in this life journey and for You not to leave me alone. Alhamdulillah.... :")
"And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein" - 50:16
No comments:
Post a Comment