iLost

     I am wishing Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha to all Muslims in Brunei and all around the world :) (though I am not celebrating it,yet) I have been listening to Takbir being berkumandang di radio and di tv. And it's beautiful. Always beautiful..selalu buat aku terharu :') Tambah-tambah lagi kalau yang mengumandangkan atu young and hensem (oops?)

     Anyhow, I just realised it's Monday. And I spent my weekend at rumah nenek di kampung. Malam Minggu hari tu ada Temarok so we had this small family gathering...in which around 50-60 people attended to. It was a short one so the function ended at around 11 p.m.

     It's been almost a week I had this minor tiny miny so called depression. I've been having lots of negative thoughts around my head and I just can't help it. And they're making me feel so down and upset. I even forced myself to smile..which didn't actually work. Aku sendiri pun nda faham mengapa aku jadi macam nie. So, di sepanjang malam Temarok tu, I didn't feel that hyped like I usually did in the past events. Burden rasanya dalam hati. Though I enjoyed talking with my cousins. But I wasn't happy inside. Sighs~

   And tadi petang I tried to calm myself down and went to join my mum and sibs and Nenek to the paddy field. I walked through the field and sat on a log, made by my uncle to function like a bench. I sat there. Long. Watching the whole environment around me. Watching all the things that happening at that time. The paddy field was green and healthy. The leaves looked so eager to grow as if they were on a race to compete against each other. Who would grow the paddy seeds first? Then, I watched my Nenek's dogs playing around the field. Running and just munching on the tips of the paddy leaves. They looked so happy. Then I watched the sky..I saw the moon at East. The sky was blue and looked so happy..even the clouds looked so soft..I really wanted to lie down on them. Towards the North of the paddy field, I saw some monkeys playing around the trees. Hanging around and just making noises. They also sounded so happy. Even happier when the dogs ran towards them and just barked. As I turned around to the West, towards the sunset, I could see the sky was so beautiful with the combination of blue, orange and some light purple and red. The Sun too, looked happy. As if it was satisfied with what it has done for today. Giving life to the Earth.

   Then I thought, why couldn't I be happy? Why did I waste lots of my time thinking about things that aren't here yet? Why did I think about stuffs that I don't have? Why?