A morning starter at the office

Hi. Today is my first day of work after taking a 2 weeks break. It's been a while since I last took a long leave. My last leave was in October 2019 and I spent my whole leave in Singapore. Oh, how I miss being in that wonderful country. Ever since I started working in 2014, I have never taken a long break without going outside of Brunei for a vacation. To me, a long break from work means flying off. However, Covid-19 changed everything this year. Hence, this year's long break means staying at home. 

So, anyways, this morning, I had a deep and meaningful conversation with my boss. We talked about how an organization works as a team to achieve a common goal. Long story short, my key takeaway from that spontaneous early morning conversation is that we need to understand that people are different. Well, definitely. No matter how wide the spectra of personalities are in this organization, we still need to work together as a team since we all belong to the same organisation after all, and yes, we all have the same goal. No teamwork means there is no way to achieve that goal. He also shared some precious gems from our previous Director who told him that we have to understand the importance of working as a team. Or else, an organization will not grow and it will stay stagnant.  

It was a good morning starter for me (and for both of us, I guess) as our spontaneous conversation led to a positive and open minded way of thinking. I am really glad to have him as my boss. Alhamdulillah, looking back from my previous work experiences as well, I feel blessed because I've worked with many wonderful people, and superb bosses. As much as I've been missing my last workplace before I moved to this organisation, I understand that life has to go on. I am glad that I have the opportunities to expand my wings and widen my horizon. There is always a good reason behind everything that happens. And Allah SWT knows best :) 

Prayers answered.

Hi, Happy Ramadhan and Happy Fasting! Can't believe it's already 12 days of Ramadhan and I felt like Ramadhan has just started. Suddenly I rindu Ramadhan in Singapore. My husband and I actually planned to go to Singapore this Ramadhan just to go to the Geylang Bazaar again, but Allah knows best... Anyways, the other day, I was scrolling down my IG account when I came across this post by @strivingforjannah_:

When you feel sadness, just remember Allah is there for you. He tells us in Surah Ad-Duha that there is always light after every darkness. Whatever you are experiencing is temporary and he will reward you for your patience - if not in this world then the hereafter. Allah tells us to remove the negative feelings with positive affirmations.

Whenever you feel sadness, just remember that whatever has been taken away from you, Allah will replace in abundance. Whenever you fell sadness, cry to Allah but remember to count your blessings. You are strong, you are humble, you are kind, you have so much to give to this world. Do not ever doubt your self worth. You are invaluable.

This post really struck me straight to the bottom of my heart. I was at my lowest point of my life on that day, somehow. I felt like everything was just too overwhelming and too emotionally draining. Everything outside and inside of me was not harmonized at all, and somehow I felt like the world is about to end anytime soon. At this day I  am writing this post, we are still in the midst of the global outbreak of COVID-19. Brunei is not an exception. Yesterday's press conference shared a total of 138 cases with 131 recovered cases and 1 death. We have seen zero cases since last week, which means that Brunei is successful in containing the deadly virus, though the Minister of Health still keep on reminding the public to practice our social responsibility. That said, today is my work-from-home shift for this week.

Anyways, back to the IG post above, when I read it, I cried. Like, really cried. Somehow I felt like Allah was talking to me, indirectly through that IG post. Nothing is impossible with Allah's permission, right? Kun fayakun. I was feeling so low at that time and I felt like I had not done enough to be a good wife, a good sister and a good daughter. Somehow, I felt like everything was not right in my life. Workwise, I worried too much with not meeting the deadlines though I did my best to finish everything on the dot. At that time, I was just too exhausted. Too tired. I was fighting hard with my own emotions. Trying hard to deal with the anxiety and stress that somehow peaked especially due to the COVID-19 news. On top of that, I felt like I had not done anything much to help my husband, my siblings and family. Also, I felt like I had not done anything to contribute to the society (I rejected my boss' request to participate as a volunteer in looking after the COVID-19 quarantine center because I thought of my parents and siblings. I was so scared of the virus. Too scared that I might brought the culprit home and infect everyone else). I think all my irrational emotions combined together and made me feel so helpless and I couldn't even think straight.  Somehow I feel like I didn't know myself. And that IG post came right on time. I cried and cried, letting go of all the burdens that  I didn't realize I've been having. 

Then, I decided to read up the Tafseer of Surah Ad-Duha, as stated in the post. Slowly, I could think rationally and my anxiety and stress started to disappear, and replaced by this feeling of contentment and calmness. Alhamdulillah, following that day, I started to recite the Quran daily and re-read Yasmin Mogahed's Reclaim My Heart. I also listened to Yasmin's podcasts.  I started to feel better and better, and up till today. My current mood is stable and I can think rationally. I feel now that I am regaining myself. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah. You have answered my prayer for wanting myself not to be lost in this life journey and for You not to leave me alone. Alhamdulillah.... :")

"And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein" - 50:16

Looking back at my 2019...and hello 2020! - Part 1

Hello~ 😉 Welcome 2020. 

Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for giving me the chance to enter this new year. Looking back at my 2019...it was quite a busy year for me. First quarter of the year saw my cousins' weddings, my colleague's wedding and my sister's engagement day. From May onwards, it was the start of my husband's overseas 6 months work placement. At first, we found it was a bit difficult to cope with as I had to stay in Brunei and himself had to stay in Singapore. We were only entering our 8-month wedding anniversary when he had to leave. However, we managed to face it together and in fact, this long distance relationship further strengthens our love for each other. So, this post is going to be about our long distance relationship and our experience while I was in Singapore.

Fasting Experience in Singapore

For the first two weeks of May, I joined my husband to Singapore and helped him to settle down in his condominium. Also, we started our first puasa together as husband and wife there. It was an unforgettable experience for both of us. My husband's condominium happened to be in Geylang and it was where all the Ramadhan bazaars were set up. Being the first timers experiencing Ramadhan in Singapore, my husband and I were amazed at the multi varieties of foods and drinks available at the bazaars. There were countless of different types of foods and drinks being sold and all of them were halal (this was the first thing that we were worried of even before we went to Singapore). We managed to try some, which were recommended in the social media and websites (which I follow just to learn more what's trending in Singapore). Some of them really suited our taste buds and some tasted...unique (and this is the time when we missed our local foods back at home). These pictures were just some of the foods that we tried (and which I managed to take pictures of. The rest, tak sempat. Dah masuk dalam perut).

We also took the opportunity to perform our first Solat Terawih as husband and wife at Masjid Darul Aman during the first Ramadhan. As expected, the mosque was full. It was a really beautiful experience for both of us. Alhamdulillah~ I will never ever forget this beautiful moment I shared with my husband :)

Kindness is magic
During my stay in Singapore, I witnessed quite a number of acts of kindness in front of my own eyes; from as simple as giving Salam to a complete stranger (like me), to showing directions to giving a free cup of tea. There was this one occasion when we were given free fries from a McD staff in Paya Lebar. It was already late night, and my husband and me brought our good friend who just arrived from Brunei to have dinner. This McD guy saw us looking for an empty table and then at the corner of my eye, I saw him smiling when he saw us. I noticed him going to the counter and then he approached us and said, "Selamat Hari Raya. Saya tak balik Raya tahun ni". That was during Hari Raya Aidiladha. We thanked him and wished him Selamat Hari Raya too. Though it was just a simple gesture but it was so meaningful for us.

In another occasion, I experienced another small act of kindness but it meant so much to me. It was one late afternoon and I just got back from spending my alone time at Orchard Road. I went to Paya Lebar Square and decided to have a short tea break at the basement foodcourt while waiting for my husband to come home from work. I ordered a high tea set (with half boiled eggs and two pieces of bread). The Chinese aunty at the counter told me to sit down first while waiting for my foods. I picked up my cup of tea and chose an empty table nearby. I waited for around 15 minutes or so for my butter kaya bread and soft boiled eggs to be prepared only to find out that the aunty forgot to prepare them. Then I approached the aunty and she realized that she forgot about my tea. She apologized many times and she looked at me with that much kesian look. She said "You want more tea? I add some more for you," while looking at my half-empty-with-lipstick-stain cup. I said, "okay aunty, I'm good." But then again she insisted, "Come lah, aunty add for you" then I mengalah. 😂 So she filled my cup again. Full. And yea, I had a complete set in the end.

There are many other acts of kindness that I witnessed that made me realized how kindness makes our world a better place. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for giving me the opportunity to witness and learn from others. May You guide our hearts always to stay humble and appreciate others.

TBC...

Westlife The Twenty Tour (Singapore)

Hi~! 😉  This is going to be an informal and a light blog entry. I feel that I must have this entry post to share. Well, anyway, the picture below explains...

Yes!!! I know right? How exciting it is to see that picture above?! I mean, because I am a fan of Westlife since I was in high school (and since they released their Swear It Again album back in 1999), I can still feel the excitement till now!

So, El texted me about Westlife announcing their reunion and comeback world tour this year AND their plans to involve Asia as part of the tour, AND Singapore specifically was in! I was beyond joy and asked for El's help to purchase the tickets online. I told her to just purchase any tickets. Any seats. Anywhere. As long as I could go there with my husband (who happened to work in Singapore during the scheduled concert date). I knew it would be tough to get tickets once they were on sale but I didn't expect anything. And to my surprise, El managed to get a pair of tickets with good seats! She was also surprised at how easy she got online and purchased the tickets. I was soooo excited because I intended to give the tickets to my husband as belated birthday present. 

Ok, to cut story short, my husband and I went to the Westlife The Twenty Tour concert at the Singapore National Stadium, on the 10th August 2019. And yes, we got realllllly good seats! Good as in we were seated in the most front row of our group (which means there were no one sitting directly in front of us). The concert started at 8:30 pm, with a short video introduction of how Westlife started and how they succeeded for the past 20 years.

As soon as Shane, Mark, Kian and Nicky went up the stage and started singing "Hello My Love", their latest single, the crowd went crazy. Everyone was up and cheering for these four amazing men! My husband and I were on our feet and joined the crowds, enjoying and singing along with their songs. It was a two hours concert, with Westlife performing their top hits from their twenty years period, including Swear It Again, Fool Again, Flying Without Wings, You Raise Me Up, to name a few. It was soooo good to see these guys performed again as a band, though Bryan Mc Fadden wasn't in. Their perfectly harmonized voices, synced dance choreography, properly designed baju and their white suits trademark; really all these factors made Westlife, Westlife. And you know, it's Westlife.

In addition to the already beautiful concert experience, there was a surprise on stage proposal for an Irish couple, followed up with a beautiful performance by Westlife from their new single, A Better Man. And this song is co-written by Ed Sheeran, another fact that makes this song even more closer to my heart (as I am Ed Sheeran's fan too!). I guess I should get tickets to Ed Sheeran's concert one day. Ok, that's it for this post ❤️ My husband and I love Westlife, we grew up with Westlife songs,   Westlife makes our lives beautiful. 'nuff said. 

Selamat Datang ke Agama Islam, Ibuku, Ayahku.

Berdebar hati ini menanti saat itu. Saat yang selama ini menjadi doa di setiap sujudku. Ku perhatikan kedua wajah kesayanganku dan ku renung dalam-dalam wajah mereka, ingin memahami perasaan yang menyelubungi di benak mereka pada ketika itu. Aku pasti mereka merasa gemuruh di dalam hati kerana aku turut merasakannya. Namun, aku dapat melihat perasaan itu disembunyikan dengan senyuman yang sentiasa terukir di wajah mereka. Malah, wajah mereka nampak tenang. Hati ini tidak berhenti memanjatkan syukur ke hadrat Ilahi, memuji-muji kebesaranNya. Sungguh, Allah adalah sebaik-baik perancang. Aku hanya berdiri tersenyum, melemparkan pandanganku ke seluruh ruang tamu rumahku yang dipenuhi dengan ahli keluarga dan sahabat handai. Sudah tidak terasa lagi angin sejuk dari alat penghawa dingin di ruang tamu itu. Cuaca yang cerah pada petang Jumaat itu, disertai dengan panas mentari yang terik, ditambah lagi dengan sesaknya oleh kehadiran para tetamu yang memenuhi hampir kesemua ruang yang ada menambahkan lagi rasa hangat di dalam ruang tamu yang sesak itu. Acara boleh bermula bila-bila masa dan aku tidak mahu beganjak dari tempatku berdiri. Dua orang pegawai dari Pusat Dakwah Islamiah, seorang lelaki, seorang perempuan sudah pun mengambil tempat duduk masing-masing. Seorang duduk berdekatan ibuku, dan seorang lagi duduk tidak jauh dari ayahku.

Alhamdulillah, pada 3 Ogos 2018, petang hari Jumaat, merupakan salah satu daripada detik bersejarah di dalam hidupku dan keluargaku. Hari itu berlangsungnya majlis pengislaman kedua ayahanda dan bonda kesayangan kami. Aku masih ingat lagi ketika ibuku memberitahuku, "Babahmu bagitau ia mau jadi walimu sudah kau kawin nanti". Waktu itu majlis perkahwinanku akan berlangsung dalam masa beberapa bulan saja lagi. Aku diam. "Tapi, ertinya kamu mesti masuk Islam tu Ma," ujarku kepada ibuku. Ibuku membalas, "Awu...Babah mu kan masuk Islam". Sebaik sahaja aku mendengar kata-kata itu kelar dari mulut ibuku, aku tersenyum. "Alhamdulillah, bah ambil tah borang. Kalau mau, aku ambilkan,"

.....

Aku dan adik-adikku berdiri tidak jauh dari tempat duduk ibu dan ayah kami. Turut berdiri bersesak bersama para tetamu yang hadir. Lebih kurang jam 3 petang, acara dimulakan. Pegawai daripada Pusat Dakwah Islamiah memulakan mukaddimah dan doa sebelum memulakan majlis. Hatiku berdebar-debar menantikan saat itu. Seluruh tetamu yang hadir diam, bagaikan turut merasa debaran yang ku rasakan ketika itu. Dan saat itu pun tiba... "Asyhadu'ala'ilaaha'illallah...wa'asyhadu anna Muhammadurrasulullah..." kedengaran bait dua kalimah syahadah keluar dengan lancar dari mulut ayahku. Tidak lama kemudian, kedengaran pula suara ibuku melafazkan dua kalimah syahadah dengen lancar. Sebaik sahaja selesai kedua ibu dan ayahku melafazkan dua kalimah syahadah, keadaan ruang tamu masih lagi sunyi. Beberapa saat selepas itu, kedengaran suara esak perlahan-lahapn dari belakang dan hadapanku. Ku toleh ke belakangku, adik lelaki bongsuku sudah mengalirkan airmatanya. Di sebelahku, aku melihat wajah adik perempuanku bersinar bahagia. Dan adik lelakiku yang seorang lagi, hanya terdiam melihat kedua ibubapa kami. Dan tidak jauh dari situ, kedengaran esak tangis perlahan daripada ayah saudaraku dan juga ku lihat sahabatku yang hadir sudah mengalirkan airmatanya. Air mata bahagia. Air mata syukur.

Hatiku mengucapkan "Alhamdulillah...Allahu Akbar..." Aku tidak mampu menangis kerana hatiku terasa terlalu bahagia. Bahagia kerana kedua ibubapa kami sudah bersama kami. Kedengaran juga pada waktu itu ungkapan kalimah "Alhamdulillah" dari para tetamu. Seorang sahabat ayahku, yang juga merupakan seorang ustaz menawarkan dirinya untuk membacakan doa selamat penutup majlis. Ternyata, dia juga turut merasakan sebak di atas sempurna majlis pengislaman ibu dan ayahku. Dia menangis di dalam doanya, sehingga membuatkan para tetamu yang hadir turut merasa sebak. Suasana hari pada ketika itu bagaikan terasa ada para malaikat yang turut meraikan kembalinya kedua ibu dan ayahku ke jalan Allah yang lurus. Semuanya terasa indah, terasa bahagia, malah bagiku hari itu adalah hari yang paling istimewa di dalam hidup kami sekeluarga.

Alhamdulillah, akhirnya kini sempurna sudah keluargaku. Dahulunya kami hanya berempat, sekarang berenam. Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah... Islam kini adalah pegangan hidup kami.

Ya Allah, Kau ampunilah dosa kedua ibubapaku, kasihanilah mereka, berikan petunjuk buat mereka afiyatkan mereka dan berikanlah AnugerahMu untuk mereka...Ya Allah, Kau satukanlah kami hingga ke syurgaMu... Amin amin amin ya Rabbal alamin...

A genuine happiness

Last night, we had a dinner at one of our favourite restaurants in Gadong. It was a quiet night. There were not many customers at the restaurant, thus giving us the chance to have a proper and good meal time. We were both talking about our work and how our day went when we started reminiscing about our past. It was a good reminiscing time as we shared stories of our primary school friends and our friends in the university where we both studied. We talked about how everybody has changed and how people grew up from being our primary school friends and now becoming parents. Then, we reminisced how Ulfah Jannah started and how everyone gathered at the first time. It was at that moment when I told him that I am so grateful having them in my life and how they have changed my way of life. Then he shared, "We actually prayed for you. We all prayed that may Allah eased the way for you to become a Muslim. Our prayers were answered. Alhamdulillah..." I looked at him in the eyes, feeling unsure whether I heard the right words. But, I knew what I heard was right because I could see the sincerity in his eyes when he said it. At the same time, I held back my tears.  I only managed to let out, "Alhamdulillah..." while looking at him, smiling. Then, I told him how I got the hidayah and how I experienced the strong feelings of wanting to become a Muslim. I shared with him how I decided to tell my parents about me wanting to convert to Islam. While telling him my stories, deep down in my heart, my love for my beloved Ulfah Jannah group is getting stronger and I keep praying to Allah to let us all meet again in the hereafter, back as a group of friends in His Jannah. I realized, it's been long since the last time I feel a genuine happiness in my heart. This time, the feeling is quite different. This happiness is the happiness I know Allah has granted to me immediately that night. It felt so special that I could feel Allah is so near :') Alhamdulillah... I looked at him in the eyes again, and I saw all my Ulfah Jannah friends. I smiled, and he smiled, too. And we both know Allah has been there to guide us since the first time we saw each other. May Allah bring us the Ulfah Jannahs together again in His Jannah. Amin...

Buat Ulfah Jannah:

Ya Allah, 
Panjangkanlah umur mereka,
Kurniakanlah kesihatan yang baik pada mereka,
Terangi hati mereka dengan Nur pancaran iman,
Tetapkanlah hati mereka, perluaskanlah rezeki mereka,
Dekatkanlah mereka kepada kebaikan, jauhkanlah hati mereka dari kejahatan,
Tunaikanlah hajat mereka, baik hajat dalam agama, dunia dan akhirat,
Kau temukanlah kami lagi di syurga-Mu...

Allah is the best helper of all

It was quite a hot afternoon ad it was a Friday. My family and I just left our house to go next door, to our new neighbor's house to attend a doa selamat function. I was informed earlier by my dad that the function was for our neighbour's son who recently was discharged from the hospital after almost three months being admitted. 

As soon as we arrived, we were greeted by one of their relatives who ushered us to our seats. It was only our third month after moving into this neighbourhood, so we did not see many familiar faces. The attendees were mostly my neighbour's family members and his son's friends. A few minutes after berdikir was done by a group of elderly men inside the house, we saw a young and good looking man stepped out of the house with a walking frame, slowly and carefully making his way out towards the guests. The young man, of age approximately mid 20's, at first looked down, and then as we watched him walking down the verandah, he looked up and scanned all the guests briefly. It was at that instant I felt heavy in my heart. I held my tears back. I couldn't imagine how fragile he was during his moments at the hospital. His mother informed us that he was at the ICU for two months plus and it started from him only being ill and feverish. I was feeling so deeply touched just by looking at his face, sending that calm feeling throughout me. And all I could say in my heart was,"Alhamdulillah, ya Allah, You gave him another chance in his life." As he made his way towards us, guests quickly stood up and approached him to give him blessings, doa and menabur bunga rampai. I saw a few mothers and aunts had tears in their eyes. It was really a miracle for him to be able to walk again after spending days and months in bed. He stood near the verandah next to his family members, holding his walking frame, giving chances for the guests to greet him and menabur bunga rampai. As he stood there, I watched his face, studying his emotions. I could see the determination and strength in his eyes, and he tried his best to smile and talk to those who approached him, though he looked quite weak. Quietly, I felt so proud of him. He managed to come back strong and fought hard against his illness which almost took away his life (at that moment, I was not sure what exactly he was diagnosed as). It was really a real miracle happened in front of our eyes and it was a real survivor life story. 'This young man must have a strong heart to have gone through this trial in his life,' I thought. And I secretly admired his determination. After the menabur bunga rampai  session was done, he slowly turned around and made his way back into the house to give way for the guests to eat.

Another moment that made me feel so deeply touched by this young man's gesture was when he actually sat and had his foods at the verandah, while facing all the guests during the eating time. I was not sure whether it was his wish or was it his parents' wish (which I doubted) for him to sit at the verandah but to me, it was really a touching act to do. He could actually had his foods inside the house for his own comfort but then, he chose to eat outside, together with the rest of the guests. 'Maybe he wanted to have his time with the guests,' I thought. And I instantly concluded, 'He must be a really good man with a good heart' :')  

After the event, we went back straightaway. That afternoon, I had a deep thought about my life and what I have gone through and I related it with the young man's life. Though we have totally different life struggles, but there is one common goal: To never give up on Allah's help and to live life fully. My neighbour's doa selamat event opened up my eyes and heart wider to accept my current life situation. There are still other people who suffer more than me. And lately,  I realized, I have not been grateful with my life. I have been quite unhappy with myself and I got agitated and irritated easily. I tried to find out the cause and it rooted back to my current job. I think I am still adjusting myself with the new work environment though it's already six months since I started. And I keep reminding myself, "Allah will never burden me more than I can bear". From there on, I decided I must change myself from the inside. I really hope I will get back on track after this, in sya Allah, for Allah is the best helper of all.

Source: Google